K A B O O M

NOT

HAVING

A

GOOD

DAY.

END POST

Big Shoes

It's only been one day since finding out that my friend and in all reality, mentor will be forced to leave. However, with each passing moment, I see the growing chasm that will need to be dealt with next year. He is the community and trust builder of the staff. I am not sure if the rest of the middle school is going to be willing to change to fill the void which means I will need to. I am just not really sure if I am ready for that.

Don't get me wrong, being that person is certainly one of my goals, but I did not want this yet. I wanted to learn from him for another year and learn to teach for another year. Go figure that with as much as my faith has been struggling this year, I am going to have to give up even more control that I never had, and trust in something that has been weakened--my faith, not His strength.

The good thing is that I had a crazy brainstorming session tonight about next year. While I came up with some good stuff, it is not the only time I have had brainstorms. The bigger problem has been implementation. Odds are this is a confidence issue (why are you laughing and nodding your head...I can see you...)

Bottom line, growing up stinks...stepping out in faith is incredibly difficult...combining the two...well, you get the idea.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the ways I need to change,
the courage to be a difference maker,
and the confidence to walk in faith!

Note to self:: Philippians !:6

The Hits Just Keep Coming

All in all, it has been a rough few months. The challenges of teaching, administration hassles, the weight of the grad school curriculum, and all the things that come with just being me have slowly been chopping my legs out. The result of all this is a general feeling of loneliness and exhaustion. Couple that with a severe spiritual drought and you have the makings of a nightmare. Of course the irony here is that I am in a program where two of the most important values are community and spirituality. Odds are at this present moment, you are either laughing hysterically or giving your computer one of the strangest blank stares (much like that last youtube video your friend's brother's cousin's former roommate just sent you...)

Now before I start to make it sound like life has been unbearably miserable, there have also been some great parts of this year. The JVs, Dominicans, and other volunteers have been a lifesaver, and the fun of living in a lively city has been great on weekends. On top of that, there are a few teachers at school and at home that have brought about small and large blessings rather frequently.

Unfortunately, one of those silver threads lining the gray clouds is being pulled out from right under my and the rest of the faculty's noses. I found out today that one of the best teachers in our school is being layed off because we don't have enough kids in the school. Not only is he an outstanding teacher, but he is the best leader and role model in the school for these kids. He has gotten me through a great many days when I was ready to crash and burn and continually teaches new ways of reaching the kids. I am absolutely crushed that he will be leaving. What's worse is that he will not be replaces...I have no idea what this means in terms of classes for next year, but I can only assume that each of us remaining will shoulder some of the burden, not to mention the possibility that this will jeopardize the possibility of teaching Algebra to a group of 8th graders and could also affect the splitting of the 7th grade classes.

Welcome back from break...

Convictions II

The battle of convictions continues as the fear of events I saw happening have indeed happened. A person whom I believed had strong convictions gave way, and now I fear the eventual toll that will have.

Now, things have gotten stranger. While I have seen these convictions fall for some, I am now also witnessing the possibility of the dreadful outcome of having not had them in the first place. The subplot in both cases is the same, one at the beginning and one at a possible ending.

I realize this is a little cryptic and without much information, but there are a number of other people whose lives are affected by these things. Their stories for now shall remain a secret.

three fourths

Wow.

The third quarter is over. Just one quarter left to teach these kids as much as possible. That's really only about 8 weeks. I really do not even know how to describe the ridiculousness of that. In just 8 weeks I will have survived the first year. Amazing.

Unfortunately it also means a ton of work to do in the next two weeks for ACE. Not so much fun. A major unit plan and another ed psych paper. Ah well, back to work.

Conflicted Conviction

Why is it that conviction always seems to make life more difficult for those with conviction and have no affect on anyone else? I am starting to get sick and tired of my convictions. It seems more and more like they are foolish and that I am the only one that still believes in some of the most old fashioned things. Not only that, but it is beginning to seem like having said convictions is a lot like trying to board a train from the front while it is traveling at you at nearly 100mph. Don't believe me? Try it sometime. But be careful. Convictions are nearly impossible to change and usually have a heavy psychological weight to them.

Of course the irony of all this is that so many people seem to be able to just drop them whenever it makes life easier...or more 'fun'

Aaaaarrrrgggghhh!!

TGIF

I am not sure where the saying TGIF came from, all I know is that I am living for it right now. I cannot help but remember Friday night being a night in front of the TV...till 10, which was bed time, watching Full House, Perfect Strangers, Family Matters, Step by Step. Ahh those were the days.